Anyway, I recently started following a blog written by a college friend of mine - Byline to Finish Line. Moritz and I were co-editors of the sports section at the St. Bonaventure student newspaper - the BV. In the fall of 1993 I was her assistant editor; when I became section editor in the spring of 1994, she remained as a "consultant" (they called it something else, but whatever). We had a lot of fun together, many sleepless nights of trying to fit copy on a page, and come up with catchy headlines (Hey Moritz, remember, "It's all about soul!"). Like so many people I went to Bona's with, I didn't hear from her for ages, until I found her one day on Facebook. And then I started reading her blog, and then I subscribed to regular updates. Because it's good and Moritz is a good writer. She blogs about two main points: her updates with ultra running and triathlons, and women's issues in sports. The latter really doesn't surprise me, but I find the first two fascinating. One because "triathlete" would not have been a term I'd have used to describe Moritz in college (sorry), and she really seems to have immersed herself in it. Second, I'm about as athletic as a tree stump and can't imagine running a city block, so I find anyone who really digs that stuff fascinating.
And while I have enjoyed all of her posts, there have been three recently that really caught my attention.
This seemed at first just a post about swimming - until the end:
"It made me wonder where else in my life I was failing to utilize my power. It’s not about a lack of heart or effort or desire. It’s not even about working on weaknesses so much. In fact, thinking about your weaknesses only reinforces the negative in a way. Instead, where am I not drawing out all my positives? Where am I stopping short, not using all the power I already have?
In swimming, it’s about finishing the stroke and utilizing all of the power that comes from pushing the water behind me.
In life, it’s about seeing all the positives, all the strength, I already have. It’s about owning that, letting it shine, and letting that carry me forward. We are stronger than we think we are, and when we realize that, our true power takes us right to the places we want to be."
How incredibly true. Think about it. How often does someone encourage you to focus on your strengths? I'm willing to be it's not often. In school, we're pushed to work hard on the things where you don't excel. For me it was math. I kicked butt at history, English, even science (as long as there was no math involved). Ask me to do something more complicated than 2 + 2 and I was toast. And the hours I spent working on my math skills really didn't help. My brain just didn't work that way. And in the end, it didn't matter. Because in the adult world, you don't have to calculate a sine or cosine or standard deviation by hand. That's what calculators and Microsoft Excel are for, right?
Imagine if I had spent all those hours struggling with math enhancing and extending my writing skills instead. Maybe, instead of being a frustrated project manager and blogger, I'd be a writer like Moritz. But while I was "good enough" for high school and college, I spent so much energy focused on math that I never took writing to "exceptional." My daughter has the same problem. She is very good with liberal arts. Not so good on the math. Fortunately, her teacher seems to know what mine didn't: She doesn't have to be an "A" math student. She needs enough to be able to know when she's been cheated in her change at the grocery store, and to know her basic math facts. Heck, even Quicken balances your checkbook these days. Instead, her teacher is trying to get her to use her power: her creativity, her imagination, her generosity, her verbal skills.
Focusing on your failings holds you back. Use your power and it will carry you forward to greater things.
If you are in touch with anything, you know humans are social animals. The news is full of stories of children who are kept from social contact throughout their formative years, and who, therefore, are not functional members of society. This article, like the others, started deceptively "newsy," until the bottom:
Sometimes we are so concerned about not upsetting others, that we forget to live our own truth, live our own authenticity. As author Marianne Williamson wrote, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened abut shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. …. as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
The world does not generally look favorably on those who "toot their own horn." Pride is, after all, one of the seven deadly sins. And it may be worse for girls and women, who still battle a social concept that a "good girl" doesn't push herself forward. But there is a difference between hubris and knowing your own worth. Hubris puts you above others. Knowing your own worth puts you on equal footing. This concept plays along with using your power: If you are constantly pushing yourself to the background, you deny yourself the opportunity to lift another. If you deny your own power, how can you be powerful enough to give your neighbor a leg up?
Pride may goeth before a fall and it may well be a "deadly sin." But to constantly put yourself down and push yourself into a corner is a form of pride - and one I believe God finds more abhorrent than the former. As the saying goes, "God doesn't make junk" - so if you find yourself tempted to play small, remember that and play big instead.
This one hit me - kind of hard, actually. Written on International Women's Day, it made me think not just about my own life, but my daughter who is 9 and just beginning to realize her own power. In it, Moritz writes "Athletics breeds strength... It also breeds emotional strength. It develops an inner confidence. It makes you strong and humble at the same time. It allows you to see who you are, what you want, and gives you the focus and the support system to create your own authentic life."
True words. I was not an athlete - I am not an athlete. I spent most, if not all, of my school-age life lacking confidence. I was an awkward adolescent. I never fit in. I never really felt "good enough" - not until I got to college and found people who would empower me, instead of putting me down. Seventeen years wasted where I could have been more.
How different from my daughter. She is a dancer and a gymnast. She started doing competition dance this year: so far she has a second-place medal and a first-place trophy under her belt. She is supremely confident in her abilities on the dance floor - and it carries her forward. Where other children seize up reading or speaking in public, my child doesn't. Read this passage at Mass? No problem. I've danced in front of 200 people. Answer a question? Sure, no sweat. Older girls at school giving her grief? Who cares, I can dance - I have lots of friends who know I'm a good dancer and a good person. This is not to say that she is boastful or doesn't have moments of insecurity. But oh, how I envy her the confidence that dance has given her. The physical confidence and strength to do a back walkover or a back handspring (her latest goal), and the emotional confidence to step out on the stage and say, "Here I am world. Take it or leave it; it's the best I've got." When she started dance competition I told her she'd already done more than I ever had the guts to do, just by saying, "I'll give it a shot." She's hit the tri-fecta: using her power, playing big, and celebrating her strength. God bless her for it.
So there you have it. Moritz will continue writing, I'll continue ready, and who knows what will be the next thing that makes me go "hmm." If you've read this far, maybe I've done the same for you. If so, my work here is done. If not, go read something, keep your mind open, and you just might find yourself saying, "hmm."
1 comment:
Indeed I remember "It's All About Soul!" and how the night got wackier! And no offense, I was the least likely to get into running or triathlons in college! Thanks for the kind words. I'm so grateful you enjoy the blog and see the bigger value, athlete or not!
Post a Comment