When Private is Public

A few weeks ago, I learned that the 4th grade teacher at my kids' school was not asked to return for the coming school year (which is a shame, because she was a good teacher). The scuttle-butt as I heard it from another parent (gotta love the small-school rumor mill), is that she made disparaging comments about the school and parents in a Facebook status update.

To quote a colleague, "Turns out people can read what you say on the Internet."

The fact is, the Internet has changed personal privacy. Way back in the day, it was harder, although not impossible, to target disgruntled employees. I mean, if you're complaining to friends over dinner in your own home, you can be reasonably sure that the object of your complaint won't know, as long as the person to whom you are complaining doesn't rat you out. After all, while spy-style listening devices look really cool on TV, that sort of thing that common in the general public. Average citizens don't wiretap their employees (we leave that to the Federal government).

The pesky thing about the Internet is this: nothing is really private. Nothing. Once it's out in the ether, it can be found - especially if one is talented, knowledgeable, and diligent enough. And it never really goes away, either. Even if you delete it, the ghost of that email, that photo, or that blog post is still there. Oh yes it is.

But the Internet is also tricksy, my precious. It fools you into thinking what you've posted is private. Web pages let you mark photo albums as private, only to be accessed by invited individuals. You need passwords and ciphers to see account information. Everything sealed behind a steel door, right?

Well, maybe for the average Joe Computer User. We aren't all cipher experts employed by the CIA. For most of us, passwords are just fine. But the reality is that the "steel door" is more like a black curtain. And curtains rip, intentionally or accidentally.

But let's leave the world of cyber-crime aside for the moment, because I'm not really talking about hackers or those nasty people who write malware, or viruses. Because sometimes the more damaging activity comes from a more insidious source: ourselves.

Yeah, you got that right. Us. We do it to ourselves all the time. Our total lack of situational awareness is sometimes more damaging than all the computer nasties out there. Let's take the teacher example. She didn't say it in the privacy of her own home, she said it on Facebook. In front of how many hundreds of her closest "friends." Plus, if her Facebook security wasn't set up properly, her status could be seen by anybody, even non-friends.

But let's assume she did have it set up that status updates were restricted to friends. The school principal is on Facebook. And if they were "friends," well...

You see where this goes. No place good.

Lack of situational awareness. This is why my boss is not a friend on Facebook. And while I do have a couple of work friends there, I try very hard not to post specific rants about work frustrations. Because Facebook isn't private.

Oh yes, I know. Statements made to our Facebook friends shouldn't be used against us. To a certain extent I agree. I've heard stories of teachers being censured or fired because they posted a picture of themselves holding a glass of wine (no joke, my sister knows someone who got in trouble over this). And if the picture is of the teacher at her college reunion with other adults, responsibly enjoying an adult beverage, no, that shouldn't matter. If, on the other hand, the picture is of the teacher at a beach party doing belly shots and there is evidence of underage drinkers, well, "lack of situational awareness" is a bitch.

There is no doubt that Facebook, or the Internet, is a powerful networking tool. You can find jobs, lost college classmates, or information for your kid's school project. But it's all smushed together. And as a co-worker of mine wisely said, humans as a species have not evolved to a point where we are capable of separating these things for ourselves. We need someone to help us help ourselves.

Staying with Facebook, another co-worker said what Facebook really needs are levels or "boxes," so he can have a "personal" box of friends and a "professional" box of friends. And you can kind of do it now, but it's clunky. Because sometimes he says something that he only wants to share with the personal box. And he wants to be reasonably sure (again, this is the Internet), that the people in one box can't open the other box and see what's going on in there. He says it's possible, and since he's a fairly smart computer guy, I believe him. But Facebook isn't there yet. And we humans seem to be incapable of separating our stuff into boxes in our own minds.

Right now, saying something on Facebook, or the Internet in general, is like walking into a noisy, crowded room and shouting. Maybe no one will hear you. Maybe someone will - and it might not be the someone you intended to hear you.

And maybe Mom was right after all. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Especially on the Internet.