So I talked to my boss. She gave me more to think about.
Shit. Why can't things be easy?
The fact is that the writing job has changed, and I have some reading to do before I can determine whether I really want to go back, or whether this is a knee-jerk reaction to a stressful situation. Sort of like a child reaching for a favorite stuffed animal after a bad dream, or grabbing a pint of Ben & Jerry's after a bad day.
The good news, perhaps the best news, is that my boss was pretty clear that she would support whatever makes me happy, and not dreading coming to work. The decent news is that she has no doubts about my ability to do the job, and is willing to work with me to help me gain the confidence/skills/knowledge, whatever I think I need should I decide to stay where I am. That support alone is a serious factor to consider. It's not often you get a boss that is that understanding and supportive.
And finally, perhaps the best personal news, is that I have defined who I am. It's similar to a concept my friend Moritz wrote about; defining yourself in terms of what you are, not what you are not. I am a writer. Maybe I'm a little like Superman, playing one role to the world, but my real person is something else. Project manager by day, novelist by night.
I often tell folks that you must choose to be happy. Circumstances may suck, but happiness is always within your grasp.
Why is that always so much easier to believe when you're telling someone else?
Why does life always have to be so damn hard?
2 comments:
Life in annoying that way. I think I mentioned in previous comment that I had a big annoying stupid grown up decision to make, and I made mine too. Also back to something old. Life is strange...
Read your walls! :)
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